One year back in high school, I remember my parents and I going to church on New Year’s Eve. Not a service that lasted an hour or two, no, one that lasted all night long. We greeted the new year on our knees in prayer. You might imagine that a young girl would consider that uber lame – “totally” lame since it was in the 80s. And, you would be right. However, I’ve been thinking about that night a lot this last week….this last year even.

From the morning of February 27, 2020, when I listened to well respected Donald G. McNeil report the possible path of this novel virus, I can’t count the number of times this year that I’ve heard news so sad that it caused me to stop and bend over in my tracks. News so heavy from sickness or death or financial hardship or injustice or divisiveness that it washed through me in a wave of darkness. Then, because I don’t know any of these pains intimately, feelings of humility or guilt followed closely behind.

I don’t enter into this new year with the inkling to celebrate or make merry. Rather, my soul aches to wring its sadness from this last year and lay it down at the feet of something beyond my understanding. Since that night so long ago, the unusual New Years’ Eve seems like the perfect choice. Humbly….prayerfully….seeking wisdom for the next steps. I carry with me the stories from people I’ve never met but felt throughout the year. The movement of time from the darkness of today until a bright new dawn isn’t going to happen for us overnight. Tomorrow morning brings the same problems, reset into a new year. However, the brightness will shine again. We will celebrate one day and until then, I carry you with me.

Oh great light of the world
Fill up my soul
I’m half a man here
So come make me whole
Oh great light of the world
Come to impart
The light of your grace
To fill up my heartThe wind of this world
Can push us around
Folding us up
Backing us down
But here in the dark
I’m not alone
So come with your strength
And carry me home